“To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I.’ ” -Ayn Rand

It seems like a fairly simple rule to live by and after many failed attempts to love and be loved, I understand fully, the importance of the statement.

In 2004, I picked up and moved from a small college town in the midwest and away from my boyfriend of three years to reach for my dreams of becoming a big city architect. The relationship was, and still is, the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It lasted another year after I moved away. In the end, it did not work out because I chose New York City over moving back to be with him in the midwest. Yes, my heart still aches over his absence, but he is now married and there is nothing I can do but keep on moving on.

I look back at who I was then and realize that it was a great relationship because at the time, I was very happy with who I was. I had a steady job, a core group of friends, and life was predictable. When I moved to New York, my sense of self was shattered. All the challenges of surviving and scraping together a semblance of a life changed me and altered my relationships with my family, friends, and the love of my life. I see now that part of why it never would’ve worked out between the two of us is because we ultimately were headed in different directions. We were both too naive about life to really understand who we were. We loved each other, but more we loved the idea of each other. We had no idea what were were doing. Not a clue, but we thought we did. We thought we had it all figured out and that’s why our love was strong.

I chose New York City over him because I knew that I was changing beyond the limits of our relationship. I didn’t totally comprehend it at the time, but now I do. He was simply part of my story. A chapter that had to be lived to bring me about to where I am now, today, as I am. I don’t regret it anymore. Today, I have a clear idea of who I am and what “I” means.

Determined, passionate, fiery, sarcastic, intelligent, nerdy, fun, emotional, free. I am open to meeting all types of people which lends to me also attracting all types of people. I rarely find a reason to lose my temper or be rude. I hardly ever get bored since I am pretty good at finding the fun in anything and finding the good in anybody.

My life is pretty chill and there isn’t too much I can complain about. I’ve got a great job (it doesn’t pay much but the people I work with are the nicest, funniest, most-laid back co-workers I could ever ask for). I’ve settled into a pretty regular routine of running and playing lacrosse and from these activities I have amassed a fun loving group of great, sincere friends. I live in a cute studio with my two cats and relations with my parents are more stable than at any point in time during my high school days! There are big dreams I am still reaching for but as opposed to a few years ago when I felt like saying “When I grow up…”, today they are clearly defined and I’m slowly but surely working toward making them become reality.

One of the few things missing which I could complain about is someone special to cuddle with when its cold outside, to cook with when I find a new and interesting recipe online, to go to movies with, to try that new restaurant with, to share my happiness with, that special someone to love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not necessarily looking to rush to the alter and start poppin’ out babies! I’m merely ready to start dating, not for the sake of dating (which is the type of dating that consumed me after my break up), but to actually hopefully meet Mr. Right.