Introduction to Tenne

I hear this quote quite often, “It’s better to love and lost then to never love at all.” That phrase and I do not see eye to eye. While the highs of love bring great elation, the breakups bring indescribable pain far greater than any mortal wound. I am desperately afraid of being heartbroken, but I fear even more the thought of growing old alone. My life would be empty without having a family. I yearn to be a father, though I often wonder if I can be a good one. I was raised by an amazingly loving and supportive family. Because of that, I’m not afraid of commitment. I seek it out.

It’s common in this big apple city for daters to be in multiple relationships. Having grown up in a suburban town, I can’t fathom how that could work. I could spend a lifetime with someone and not know them completely. It’s that aspect of relationship that I crave most; that and having someone to share your life with.

My first experience with love happened junior year of high school. To me she was the most beautiful girl in my entire school. I never asked her out, we just one day knew we were dating. It was like a warmness radiated from her enveloping me. From then I just knew I loved her. I couldn’t stop smiling for weeks when that happened. She was my first everything. Then she graduated one year ahead of me. Found someone else in college. It took about a year to get over that one.

College spoiled me. Relations came fast and easy. Something about unsupervised hormonally-peaking adolescents. I’ve had all type of relations during my four years. It ranged in length from 16 hours to 16 months. I had weekly flings and weeks with nothing. Through all of that, love only struck me once. She was my senior fling. It wasn’t supposed to last. Just for fun we thought. We didn’t “hook up” till 2 weeks before commencement. She was like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. I had the same intoxicating effect on her. The euphoria led to one rash adventure after another, including a cross country road trip. During all of this I kept my emotional distance. We were heading in opposite directions in life. At the very end of the road trip she said three words that changed everything, “I love you.” It was a phrase we had carefully avoided for weeks so as to not get too attached. As soon as she said it, I knew I loved her too. Her family moved out of the country the next day. We tried keeping in touch but it was too difficult. I followed her to her new home, but alas I was a month or so too late. She had already found someone else.

I started to wonder if this was my fate in life and whether or not cupid was a spawn of Satan. I’ve had many dates since then. A handful of them grew into relationships. But it seems so long since I’ve experienced love. I worry that I might have forgotten what it looks like or that it has forgotten me. I hope and pray that it’s just a matter of patience and that the third time’s the charm.

So here I am with much love in my heart to give, but no one to give it to. The universe is often unfair, but I would trade all that I have to find the love of my life. I know she’s out there, somewhere in this city of granite and marble. Just perhaps, just maybe, she’ll find me instead.

Who is she you ask? Well let me tell you.