Rushing to get off the subway I realized that in my haste to leave and not run any later than I was, I had forgotten to take one last good long look at the picture of the man I was about to meet Rey. I had gotten so caught up in our flirtatious dating website e-mail exchange that I never really looked at his pictures again after his initial “hello” e-mail. He was attractive enough in his profile picture but the content of his profile is what had really drew me in. The e-mail banter is what kept me interested enough to accept an initiation to meet him for coffee. I remembered that despite being twelve years older, he claimed to look younger and from what I had been able to tell, his 5′9″ lean swimmer’s build, dark hair with a touch of salt and pepper, and rugged facial features shaved off almost a decade. Unfortunately in all but one of his six pictures posted, he had been wearing sunglasses (because they were all pictures of him doing outdoor things in super fun looking sunny places), and the one picture of him without his sunglasses showed 3/4 of his face.

I half ran, half teetered tottered in my heels across the pavement to Barnes and Noble, our meeting spot. I hadn’t known I was going to be late until the train decided to stall out, so at this point I was ten minutes behind our scheduled meeting time and hadn’t been able to give him a heads up (on my end a pet peeve is when people are anything over fifteen minutes late without an explanation before hand- especially in the winter or rain). I was stopped at the cross walk and took a moment to catch my breath, smooth my hair down and reapply my clear lip-gloss (clear to avoid lipstick stains on a coffee mug). Across the street I scanned the sidewalk in front of Barnes and Noble. I didn’t see Rey and for a moment my stomach turned. “Maybe he left because I’m late? Oh, no! Maybe he thought he got stood up! That’s a horrible feeling.” Just then my phone buzzed with an unfamiliar number.

“I’m here.” was all the text read.

“Ok, so he is here. Now where is here?” The light turned and I made a point to slow my walk down to avoid tripping. I still didn’t see him and figured he was inside. After a quick sweep of the first floor I went back outside, texting him, “I just looked for you inside and can’t find you.” as I stepped back into the chilly night.

Before I could hit send I felt someone’s gaze and looked up. I met the eyes of a man. An old man. A man who definitely looks twelve, twenty years older than me. A man with wrinkles and saggy cheeks. A man with a lot more gray in his hair than his pictures reveal. A man I had glanced at but didn’t recognize when I first arrived at the bookstore. Rey.

I suddenly felt very, very young. I look a bit younger than my age to start with so I had made a point to dress a bit more sophisticated for this occasion. I set aside my typical boots, blue jeans, and long-sleeved fitted t-shirt, for a pair of heels, dark jeans, and crisp button down shirt with simply silver chain necklace and pearl earrings. I wish I had worn a darker scarf instead of the baby pink one. As he walked toward me, I took note that at least his height and physical build were honestly noted in his profile. His smile was also the same bright lopsided grin that was boyish…and his dimple was just as cute.

He walked toward me and his age became clearer. I wanted to leave.
“Ok. So you aren’t attracted to him. At all. But you can get over that if his personality is right. Give it a chance. Give it a chance. Be nice. Be polite. SMILE!”

“Hello Cerulean. Nice to meet you. I was beginning to wonder if I had been stood up.” He smiled in a way that let me know he hadn’t really been worried about being stood up. He embraced me in a half hug and gave me a peck on the cheek.

“I’m so sorry about that, but the train was so delayed!” In that first hug I had caught a whiff of his cologne and shampoo (something musky and something cinnamon) and had briefly felt his strength in his embrace. “So he does workout” I thought to myself. “I could like this guy. Age is just a number, right?”

As we walked to Mud, our conversation fell into a nice back and forth, each of us equally asking questions and taking interest in each other. At a cozy corner table in the back over cups of tea and treats (a huge yummy brownie for me and a muffin for him as well), we covered the usual basics of where we grew up, what college we attended, our workout routines, what brought us to New York yadda, yadda, yadda- (oh and it was subtly revealed that all his pictures on his profile had been taken over 6 years ago on various trips around the world)…then the conversation inevitably turned to work. Both of us work in the same industry and it was easy for us to fall into a conversation about workplace horror stories and to compare notes on who we know in the industry etc. It was a friendly conversation and I was enjoying myself, even finding myself being attracted to him because of his intelligence and dry humor and forgetting that in less than six years he had aged two decades by comparison to his pictures.

I innocently asked him a question about something in our line of work that he would obviously have a better understanding of due to his age and experience. As soon as he started speaking I noticed how his demeanor changed. Moments before we had been equals-peers. At this point he became the older man, the more educated man, the smarter man, the more authoritative man. He spoke like a teacher speaks to a student or a parent speaking to a child. I know he didn’t mean to sound condescending, but he over explained himself as if he were instructing some one much, much, much younger and less experienced than I am. Instead of being on a date, I was in a business meeting or in a classroom. Talk spiraled further into what he knew and what I don’t. I have no idea how long this part of our conversation lasted, because honestly I lost interest (he wasn’t really telling me anything that I can’t learn from my boss, coworkers, and other friends). I really do enjoy learning from other people, but my thoughts kept drifting to a hypothetical future where the two of us got married and started a family. I had a terrible thought of him holding a walking cane and trying to shoot hoops with our 12 year old son, falling and breaking his hip. I completely lost interest in Rey for any potential romantic relationship.

…and then he started talking about his seventeen year old and twelve year old daughters from a previous marriage. He had married young and started a family almost immediately after tying the knot.

I felt like I had gotten a sledge hammered slammed into my stomach. My yummy brownie wanted to make its way back up out of my stomach.

“Excuse me, how old are they again? Twelve and seven, did you say?” I set my mug down and leaned in a bit to make sure I could hear him correctly.

“No, twelve and seventeen.” He continued on talking seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was about to fall out of my chair.

I started to think of an escape route and every possible way to end the date ASAP. A seventeen year old daughter?!?!? I’m sorry, but if you’re his age and you have a seventeen year old daughter and on your dating profile you state that you are looking for women as young as twenty-five, there is something simply…wrong? No…that’s not the right word because true love doesn’t know any bounds and age sometimes doesn’t matter…right…? Oh who am I KIDDING?!?!?! YES!!! FOR ME THAT IS VERY VERY VERY WRONG to actively seek a woman who is only 8 years older than your daughter. How in the world would I even be able to begin to step into the role of a step mother?! I’d be a baby sitter. A big sister. A mentor, but not a step mother.

I nodded and smiled and continued to sip from an empty mug of tea (I don’t know why but I thought that if Rey noticed that my cup was empty he’d buy another for me and I’d be trapped until who knows when! Yeah, yeah, I know in hindsight that’s a ridiculous notion but in the moment it seemed totally plausible). I stopped listening. I had to get out. I had to end the date. I was not about to continue anything with a geriatric who was trying to relive his “lost youth” (his words) that he “sacrificed” when he married young and started a family immediately (his comments, not mine).

“Oh goodness!!! What time is it?!” I reached into my purse and checked my phone. Rey paused mid sentence (ugh, I was totally rude and interrupted him which I HATE doing even if I want to get the heck out of Dodge).

“Oh, I’m so sorry but I’m cat sitting and I have to go feed my friend’s cats by a certain time or they start to tear apart her furniture!” I started putting on my coat.

“Well, it was great meeting you. I’m sorry it has to come to an end. We get along so well. Where is your friend’s apartment?” He took cue and started to put his coat on.

“It’s at 15th and 7th.” I have no idea why that intersection came to mind. It’s what popped out of my mouth and as soon as it was out I knew it was the wrong answer.

“Great. I’ll walk you to your friend’s apartment then if you don’t mind. It’s on the way to my train. Will you be long? We could continue the conversation afterwards.” He gently placed his hand on my elbow and guided me out of the crowded coffee shop.

“Sure you can walk with me, but I won’t be able to continue afterwards. I need to stay and really give the cats a lot of love and attention because they haven’t seen me since seven this morning.” I’m a terrible liar, but he seemed to believe it. I left it at that and made it a point not to give him hope by saying, “Maybe some other time.”

We walked together and he told me about the abandoned buildings he sometimes explores. “Next time, I’ll show you around one of my favorite warehouses that’s just outside of the city.” Before I could react or reply (OMG he was inviting take me OUT OF THE CITY as a SECOND DATE to an ABANDONED WAREHOUSE?! Stranger danger) a man practically ran into me chattering a thousand miles a minute.

“You are such a beautiful woman! Your hair, your eyes, your smile! You are the light of tonight! I can tell its an inner beauty you have shining through! Man, you are one lucky guy to have her on your arm, you should marry her because if you don’t I’ll take her she’s so gorgeous, man what are you waiting for she’s pretty perfect with those eyes and smile! You are one lucky guy don’t take her for granted! Sweetie if he takes you for granted come find me and I’ll take care of you but really you two should stay together forever because you two are clearly in love and look great together! Oh how happy you two look tonight! So happy miss, that I want to give you a rose that pales in comparison to your beauty. No I need to give you TWO!” I don’t think this guy took a breath during any of his spiel and before I knew it two plush pink roses were in my hand and the guy was asking Rey for $4.00 to help out. Awkward. I wanted to give them to Rey and tell him to take them home to his daughters, but I wasn’t sure if that would make him like me more and start to see me as a woman trying to get in good with his daughters or not.

At the train stop, Rey gave me a very affectionate hug — a full embrace where his left hand slid and lingered a bit too long just at the curve of my back above my rump. I pulled away and when he tried to catch me in a kiss I turned my head quick enough for his lips to land on my hair across my cheek.

His eyes were laughing and I have a feeling he thought I was just playing hard to get and was going to try again, but I gently shook myself free, and started to walk in the opposite direction calling out-
“Thanks Rey for the brownie, tea, and conversation! The roses are pretty too. I really must get to those cats! Have a safe trip home!”

“I’ll call you!” I turned away from him as he was saying this and refused to look back.

Rey is a decent guy and if I was older or if he was younger AND IF HIS KIDS WERE YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY OWN we might have a better chance. I want to have a family someday. My own family. I want to have babies and Rey made it clear that he is not interested in starting a new family ever again. He loves the girls he has and is looking for a woman who can be a good stepmother (or older sister depending on how you look at it). Not me.

Oh, well. I got two pretty roses, a nice warm cup of tea, and a super tasty brownie out of night. That’s enough to make me smile.