Fausto texted me and invited me to his place for a “romantic” home cooked dinner and wine. I hadn’t figured out a way to politely tell him that I never wanted to go on another date with him since he had basically told me he doesn’t value the sanctity of marriage, so I fell back on an old standby excuse, “I have the stomach flu. I’m staying in. All weekend.” The next day I was greeted with a lengthy e-mail (3 full pages when printed out) that started with a simple compliment about how “stunningly beautiful” I am both inside and out which then dissolved into a diatribe against eating meat which boiled down to how smart pigs are. He explained how much he liked that he was dating a vegetarian (dating?!?!? Uh oh buddy) and signed off the -mail with this sentiment:

“At it’s most basic, I suppose, first we fall for partners, then we
slowly find out who we have fallen for.”

Overwhelming. I didn’t respond. At this point I figured a clean break would be best. I didn’t even want to write an e-mail anymore. I didn’t want to continue contact with him. I suddenly felt that if I were to attempt to even try to stay an acquaintance at best (sometimes knowing a lawyer comes in really handy) he would eventually try to work in the romance any way he could. I figured if I could just disappear so his lawyerly self wouldn’t be given a chance to counter argue my decision it would be easiest.

A few days went by and I thought I was in the clear…then I checked my e-mail to find another verbose e-mail. The subject line read “So, um, friendship?”

He described how he feels a friendship is best since he is moving to Miami in March and it would be unfair to ME to start a romantic relationship. He tells me of his inner turmoil about this:

“However, I really liked you — so what I was trying to figure out was
how much I could offer (I even considered invited you down to Miami if
you got laid off). Thus, you may have noticed that I
have been trying to rush us through the emotional stages of
relationships (trying to open up a lot after just a date or two).
But, on reflection this tact is a bit silly, given we don’t really
know each other at all.”

Well, I never said he was dumb. He is a smart cookie who realized that rushing through the emotional stages of a relationship was “silly” (and extremely off-putting to me). And really, he was going to invite me to Miami after two dates?!?!?!
Then he writes,

“I’m thinking that we can revisit the romantic angle
in March 2011…” (Apparently he’s only gone for a one year assignment)

Er… really? I didn’t realize dating is like getting reservations at a restaurant. Sure sir, your table for two for March 15 , 2011 is reserved for 7p.m. This irked me. This and also the fact that he felt I still needed time to get over my last long relationship…uhm…which ended aaaaaaaaaaaaages ago and am completely over and barely even told him about. HE is the one still hung up on a married woman he attempted to steal away. Maybe I was having a bad day, I don’t know. Maybe it was one too many long e-mails talking about boring things. Maybe it was that he assumed he even had the slightest clue about my emotional background. Or maybe I just wanted to make sure he never wanted to talk to me again.

So I replied:

“WHEW!
Seriously, I am so glad you’re not interested in pursuing something romantic.
I have a confession. I wasn’t sick. I just didn’t know how else to politely get out of seeing you for another date, but didn’t want to blow you off completely so I could give myself time to try and figure out how to tell you nicely that I am not attracted to you.
Good luck and safe travels in Miami!”

I resisted the urge to blow up at him for trying to reserve me for March 2011. I didn’t take the time to explain that I don’t like people who don’t respect the sanctity of marriage. I just wrote what I needed to write. Simple and honest. Right? It wasn’t mean, was it?
I haven’t heard from him since and I doubt I will.