Hi-Five your way to a friendship

Arlen contacted me via a dating website. We got along well enough in e-mail and I couldn’t really tell what he looked like other than he was decent looking. In all his pictures it was either of his profile, sort of far away, or he was making silly faces.

In person, he was hot. Totally hot. His profile pictures had not done the man’s physical appearance justice, at all. He was the first date I’ve been on in a loooooooooong time where I felt instantly physically attracted to him before having spoken a single word to him. 6′ -1″, broad shoulders, 5 o’clock shadow, rugged handsome, outdoorsy, light brownish blonde wavy hair, pale brown eyes that look like maple syrup in a glass container when the light shines through.

He had been waiting at Grey Dog, and when I walked in and he stood up to greet me, my whole body blushed- he was that hot.

Ok, enough about appearances (but seriously, SERIOUSLY, I’ve been going on dates with “cute”, “decent”, “attractive”, “nice” guys for a long time. Even Boyce from Barnes and Noble didn’t rev my engine the same way).

We ate a yummy meal, drank yummy tea, and I managed to get through the whole evening without saying anything stupid or embarrassing. He owns his own design/build company and has traveled the world over so conversation was fairly effortless. Neither one of us is boring and we made each other laugh with some of our travel stories. We got along easily. However, halfway through dinner I just got the vibe that he wasn’t as attracted to me as I was to him.

One, he leaned way back against the wall and crossed his arms in front of him. He was still engaging with conversation but his body language read otherwise. Whenever there was a lull in conversation (few but enough to notice) he would fidget a bit and look around as if he was trying to find a means to escape. I usually picked up another line of conversation before the silence got too drawn out and uncomfortable. He looked at his phone more than once.

When we had finished our meals and the dishes cleared, the bill came. I was ready to suggest splitting it when he asked me,

“Would you like another round of tea? We could just sit and hang out a bit longer.”
He smiled at me with such a look of “please say yes” that my whole body blushed again. Ugh. If he had asked and was wearing a mask to hide his hotness I probably would’ve been able to refuse…until I looked at his strong arms…at his broad shoulders…

“Yeah, that’s fine.”
I somehow managed to play it totally cool as if I didn’t care either way, but on the inside I was yelling “YOU ARE SO EFFIN’ HOT I CAN’T EVEN DEAL RIGHT NOW SO STOP SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS ABOUT YOUR INTEREST IN ME!!!”

The only indication that we were on a date was the fact that he picked me up and ASKED ME OUT on a DATING WEBSITE. Hence, date. If we had met through friends of friends, it would be one of those undefined “just hanging out” things Azure mentioned in her previous blogs.

We closed the place down. We split the bill. We walked outside and walked toward the subway a good amount of space between us. We live along the same subway line so we walked the same direction. At a corner, 1 block away from the subway entrance, he checked his phone and said,

“It’s late. I have to get up early. I’m just going to cab it from here.” He looked away from me and proceeded to hail a cab within seconds.

I barely had time to say “Oh. Ok. I had a nice time,” before he was giving me a half one armed hug, replying with a simple, “Yeah, it was nice, ” and jumping in the cab to head home.

I stood for a moment looking the opposite direction of his departing cab (waiting to cross the street) and refusing to give into the little temper tantrum of annoyance I wanted to have. I felt totally jilted that he didn’t offer to split the cab with me (uhm, we live in the same direction) nor did he walk me to the subway station or give me a full hug. I like gentlemen. I like men who realize that even though there is no physical attraction they are willing to treat a date as they would want someone to treat their own sister till the very end (if the woman, like myself, hadn’t been a totally horrible person).
I was over my internal tantrum by the time I crossed the street and walked to my train station.
So what, right? So what if we had talked the night away? So what if he was totally hot AND smart AND funny? He clearly wasn’t into me, so I got over it. Plenty of other fish in the sea — cliche but damn true.

THE NEXT DAY, he texted me “When do I get to see you again?”
What? WHAT?! I didn’t answer his afternoon text until the evening. I thought about ignoring it. I tried to convince myself that he mis-texted me and meant to text someone else. I thought about texting him “Never.”

In the end I pictured him and his hotness (weak, WEAK!! I’m so weak sometimes) and I texted back,
“I’m only free on Thursday after 8p.m. for a few hours. Want to meet in Korea Town for dinner?” I figured setting the time, date, place completely on my terms would mean less of a blow if he backed out and would give me an easy way to say ‘no’ if he tried to schedule for a different day.

He said yes.

So, on Thursday we wandered through Korea Town until I found the little restaurant on the second floor that I don’t know the name of and only recognize when I stand across the street and look up at the “Natural Tofu” sign in the window. Again, the same level of easy fun conversation, but this time he didn’t sit back with his arms crossed. He leaned forward and there was an intense amount more eye contact. The bill came, we split it (I offered and had my card on the table before he had a chance to even look at the bill).

We both reached for our coats and stood up to leave.

Date over? Was this even a date? Once again, DATING WEBSITE, so yes, technically a DATE.

“I had fun again Arlen. Thanks.” I meant it and was prepared to leave it at that. I was prepared to head home.

“Do you have to go home or anything? Would you be up for catching a movie?” Same convincing smile, same body blush…same internal screaming “WHO ARE YOU?!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO ADOPT A LITTLE SISTER?!?!?!?! I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU AND RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF!!!”

Instead, I looked up at him and shook my head “no,” then laughed, then nodded “Yes.”
“Sure. I don’t know what’s out though.” Whatever. I was confused, but seeing a movie sounded like fun and yeah, I was wondering what it would be like to sit next to him in the dark…

“Let’s just walk over to Kips Bay and see what’s playing.”
He opened all the doors for me. He paid for both our tickets.

We decided The Blind Side which is actually a pretty good date movie. It’s a feel good movie without being a cheesy romantic comedy (thank goodness none of the heart warming scenes brought me to tears!!!) and not too heavy on the sports aspect to make those of us who don’t give a flying hoot about football feel alienated. Something for everyone.

Every now and then throughout the previews he leaned close to me to whisper a comment or two and I forced myself to sit very, very still as his breath tickled my ear.

He lives in the area of Kips Bay and I expected him to just turn and walk directly to his apartment. But instead he walked me out of his way to take me to the subway stop.

“I had a good time. Thanks for joining me for dinner and taking me to the movies. Again, sometime?”
I don’t usually straight up ask if my date wants to see me again, but I can honestly say I had never been in this situation before where the guy seems to not be into me but keeps suggesting ways to hang out together for longer…

“I had fun, and yes again sometime.” He winked at me then gave me a half one armed hug. And that’s when something dawned on me. “He likes me enough to be friends and can’t figure out a way to tell me directly. He’s just hoping I’ll figure it out.” Right. And why not be friends with me? Just because there is no future for lust filled nights, I’m an awesome enough person and he’s a cool enough guy that we could be friends.

Reality check. Being friends with a total hottie that I can’t have sucks until I get over being physically attracted to him which means the moment I can honestly say I don’t day dream and fantasize about him, that’s when a platonic friendship can begin. Until then, it would suck like the 7th level of hell, for me.

A week went by. He texted me a couple of times to see how my day was going, but no invites. I was ok with that. I didn’t mind it. Doesn’t hurt to be friends with someone…but I was relieved at the lack of an invite because I couldn’t quite get over my physical attraction to him.

Then Friday night rolled around and he texted me to see if I was free the next day and if we could get together. Once again, I told him I wouldn’t mind but gave him an idea that I already had plans (which I tentatively did) and offered that he could join me on brunch and at the MoMa if he wanted (friendly and not too date-ish).

He said he wouldn’t be able to do brunch but MoMa would be cool.
The next day he texted me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him somewhere instead of spend such a lovely day inside. I agreed! He picked me up in his car in the UES where I was running some errands and had eaten breakfast (yes, his CAR which was super nice and clean-don’t even ask me what type because I’m terrible with those things) and we drove down to the Brooklyn promenade. We walked around the neighborhood admiring the architecture before stopping to watch the sunset. We wandered around and decided to eat dinner at The Heights Cafe.

Same ole same ole…great fun conversation. This time he requested to cover the whole bill and waved away my card I had pulled out to cover half. On the drive back to Manhattan he kept tapping my knee to emphasize points in his conversation…almost flirty. Huh. Ok.

We drove back into Manhattan and he offered to drive me all the way back home, but it seemed utterly silly to let a friend (now that I was settling on this idea) to go way out of his way when he could just as easily park near his apartment and I could walk to the subway. When we got out of his car, we were greeted by his roommate, two of his friends, and his little dog walking down the sidewalk. Arlen introduced me to his roommate but failed to introduce me to his friends. Lame, especially since they were very obviously looking me up and down.

They parted ways and Arlen walked me to the subway. We stood more than an arm’s length away from each other and a moment of silence wove its way in a figure eight around us.

“So, thanks for taking me on a lovely ride! I forgot how much fun it is to be in a car. And thanks for taking me out to dinner. It was a great restaurant.”

“Yeah! I’m glad you were down to just drive somewhere. It was nice to share the ride with you.”
Neither one of us made a move closer to each other and neither one of us looked away…
“Uhm…” and then I started giggling. Man oh man, he is a hottie, but clearly, clearly not into me and right then I was totally, totally honestly okay with it, because I realized that hanging out with him and being friends was probably 100 times better than a one night stand with him. He’s not the perfect package. He’s not the one, but he is a whole lot of fun. Maybe he’ll like one of my other single female friends….hmmm….

Arlen looked confused for a bit, then broke into a warm smile. He raised his hand and I met him with a Hi-Five.

The end.