Secret Admirer

Friday February 12th was shaping up to be just another Friday. I was stressed about meeting a deadline at work, bummed a date had canceled for Saturday night, excited about a date with Michal that was still on for later that night, pumped for a long training run Saturday day, cynical about the upcoming Valentine’s Day hooplah, sick to my tummy from eating too many Dove chocolates a co-worker had brought in (I kept eating them to read the Martha Stewart quotes on the inside of the wrappers). In general, I was a bit melancholy and couldn’t shake the feeling.

Around 2 p.m.I heard my name exclaimed by the office manager all the way up front in the reception area. When I looked up she was walking toward me with a ginormous rectangular box and a matching ginormous grin on her face.

“Somebody loves you!” She set the ProFlowers box on my desk and immediately all eyes in the office were on me.

Before I even had the box open I was pummeled with “Who’s it FROM!?! Who’s it from?!? Is it a guy!?! Who’s the guy?!?!” As the only single female in the office (everyone else is married with kids or living with their life partners) my dating life and reasons for still being single are of some interest to some of my co-workers.

I laughed it all off as I tore open the box and replied, “It’s totally from my mom. She does this type of stuff all the time.” My mom is the best when it comes to sending me flowers for special occasions, birthdays, holidays, congratulations for a job well done or race well ran, or get well. She loves sending them to my work because she knows I’m not home during the day during delivery hours and plus I would enjoy them more at work where I spend most of my time.

Inside were two dozen white, pink, and red roses nestled into a clear glass vase with a box of chocolates tucked next to them. Mom had outdone herself. I pulled out the card to read what sweet note she had written this time.

“Happy Valentine’s Day
Guess who
You’ll never know
Never guess
-your secret admirer-”

I gasped. Read it again. Gasped again. I looked up to meet the inquisitive eyes of my co-workers.

“Well, what does the note say? It isn’t from your mom is it?” I guess my gasp and the blush that had turned my face tomato red had given it away. I shook my head, then took a moment to settle my whirling brain and the butterflies that had taken flight in my tummy.
Secret admirer?
No.
No way.
No. Effin’ WAY!

I laughed nervously and pulled out the roses from the box. I read the card out loud to my captive audience and immediately followed it with, “It’s totally my mom. She’s just being cute and funny.”

“Uh, sure. Why couldn’t it be a secret admirer? You definitely deserve one.” My favorite project manager is always quick with pick me up lines like this. It’s one of the reasons I love working with him. Even though he’s an older middle aged gay man who doesn’t have a clue what its like to be a young single female, he gives some of the best dating advice and is possibly the most curious one when it comes to my love life. I shook my head no and phoned my mom. My co-worker threw his hands up in exasperation.

“Hey mom, thanks for the flowers, they’re so pretty!”
“Oh? I didn’t send you flowers this year sweetie. I’m sorry. Did you get flowers?”

“Mom, seriously. I know they’re from you.”

“Honey, no. I swear, I didn’t send you any this year. So you got flowers? From a boy? Who is this boy?! Maybe they’re from, oh…that runner boy, Lino?” My mom is so optimistic sometimes and it can be contagious. For a split second my heart lurched in hope that maybe, just maybe Lino was into me again…ah…then I remembered a wall post on his facebook page from another woman signed with “xxxxoooxxxoo” and that little hope was crushed.

“Mom, really. This isn’t funny. There’s no way they’re from Lino. He’s dating someone. You swear they aren’t from you? SWEAR?! Promise?!?!” This conversation went back and forth for about 10 minutes as my head wrapped around the understanding that indeed, indeed I had a secret admirer who had just sent me 2 dozen roses and chocolate. When my mom had basically sworn up and down left and right and on my grandmother’s soul (may she rest in peace) that she had not sent them I finally let her off the hook. I immediately called my dad. Nope. Not from him. I texted some of my female friends. Nope. Not from them. I texted some of my guy friends Nope…not from them.

Two hours later after trying to figure out how I could possibly trace the tracking number/order number back to the original source (by the way ProFlowers does NOT give out information about the sender of any order) I was a little ball of excited energy bouncing around my office. I couldn’t sit still or concentrate on my work. Every time I tried to work, my mind would drift off and I would turn to stare at the roses, lean over to smell them, or just run my fingers over the soft plush petals. Perma smile made my cheeks hurt.

I’ve never had a secret admirer before. I never knew how special and fun it could make me feel! It’s a great thrilling feeling. Guys, if you ever want to see a woman you care about light up like a Burning Man bonfire, send her a surprise bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates or anything she might like. It’s such a warm lovely feeling to know that someone, anyone is thinking of you and wants to simply see you smile.

A friend and co-worker who sits across from me had a grand time watching me and laughing at me as I tried to figure out who this mystery man was. I had a small list of people including men I DIDN’T want them to be from and as I started to knock off ones I hoped they could be from, I was getting more and more anxious.

“Hey, maybe they’re from Michal. Did you ever think of that?” He looked at me with a smirk and immediately it dawned on me that Michal was so obvious that it had to be him.

Michal…well Michal and I are friends. We’ve known each other for over a year. I met him through my co-worker during an outing with friends. I instantly thought he was attractive, but at the time I was involved with someone so I wasn’t into flirting with him or really getting to know him other than as a friend of a friend. Even when my relationship ended, our friendship stayed just that. A comfortable friendship that was mostly based on Facebook wall posts, photo comments, and the “like” button on each other status updates.

Over the year we’d run into each other often at the same outings and group gatherings and every time we’d chat and have a good time. We became better friends and somewhere along the way we became the type of friends who can jokingly flirt with each other and tease each other like school kids. Our mutual friends started asking me why I didn’t go for Michal, and always my answer was the same.

“He’s a great guy and we get along just fine as friends. He’s not really into me like that and I’m ok with that. I think we’d kill each other if we actually dated.” Which was all true. I had developed a fun crush on him but never took it seriously because 1) I figured since he had so many girls to choose from, I wasn’t even in the running 2) I hadn’t really felt like we’d be a good match dating wise and thought my main attraction to him was physical (yes, he’s totally hot in my opinion) and friendly. 3) He could really get on my nerves sometimes, in a fun way.

A few weeks ago we were both at a black tie party our friends were hosting. He showed up in a tux and I arrived wearing a killer red Nicole Miller dress and full makeup (done professionally by Misty Chapman of the Warren Tricomi salon in the Plaza Hotel), and was having an amazingly great hair day, so basically, I felt like Cinderella and looked 100 times better than anytime anyone has ever seen me ever before in my whole entire life. For real.

When I walked into the crowded loft, I spotted Michal immediately, sitting down and chatting with a friend. We locked eyes, his jaw dropped. I walked straight toward him and enjoyed every single moment of his stunned expression. Jaw to the floor and he almost fell off his seat. He could barely say hello when I finally reached him. All he was able to say was “Wow…you…you look….so…so amazing…” I in turn admired him in his tux. He was so handsome.

In retrospect, that was probably the moment he changed his mind about me, hence our first “date”.

I e-mailed Michal and asked if he had sent me something to my office. I waited in fluttery anticipation for his response. When he replied “no” I wanted to rip my hair out. At that moment I realized how much I had wanted the flowers to be from him. When he replied “no” I instantly felt stupid for asking.
Internal dialogue:

“Uhm, why would he send you flowers when he’s going to see you tonight?! HELLO?!?!?! Now you just asked him and probably made him feel insecure because he probably didn’t get you flowers at all and now he knows another man is out there trying to woo you. Good job idiot girl. Way to make things awkward!”

I hounded my co-worker friend who had suggested Michal in the first place.
“Thanks a lot! It totally wasn’t him and now I look like a jerk. I should’ve known that Michal isn’t the romantic type to send flowers. Duh.”

My coworker friend just laughed and replied “You don’t really know him do you?”

So, for the rest of the day I fretted that the beautiful flowers might have been sent from a guy in my life who has recently taken a slightly annoying liking to me (annoying because he is starting to become a bit pushy and clingy).

When work finally ended and it was time for me to meet Michal at his place (we were keeping our “date” low key staying in and making pasta while watching the opening Olympic ceremony on TV), I forced myself to put the secret admirer crap out of my mind and just enjoy the evening. I figured whoever had sent them would eventually turn up and I couldn’t do a thing about it until then. In the meantime I would just let myself smile every time I looked at them and smelled them, and simply enjoy the kindness behind the act.

When I arrived at Michal’s something in his smile tickled the back of my neck and before I could censor myself, before I could even properly greet him hello I blurted,
“Seriously, did you send me those flowers or not?”
“What flowers?” He looked away and smiled.

Right then, I knew. I knew that he had sent them. I knew right then that eventually when/if I fall for Michal, its going to be a long slow motion fall and the landing is going to be hard…