I’m being spoiled

As an independent single woman who has been financially on her own since she left for college, I am used to paying for everything in my life completely on my own. No help from the parents. No help from boyfriends. Just me sometimes working 3 jobs to pull it all off, but I make ends meet.

So, when it comes to dating I’ve gotten really used to dating on the cheap. The summer is the BEST time in the city to date because there are so many free movie screenings, plays, dances, concerts, festivals to keep a person entertained. Its so easy to suggest an afternoon picnic in the park as a date. Pack up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a water bottle, some fresh fruit, and cookies and you’re pretty much set for a laid back date in Central Park.

For the most part I have always dated men who were within the same economic/social standing as myself, meaning they too have been hard workers just barely getting by but making enough to still have a full life outside of work. Broke, but not too broke basically.

Then I met Jarod.

I was window shopping in SoHo and stopped into a small boutique jewelry shop. No, there is no way in the world I could ever afford anything in the store, but there were stunning diamond pieces that were so unique and gorgeous I just had to stop and get a closer look. As soon as the security guard let me in, I was greeted by Jarod and immediately felt wobbly in the knees. His smile was warm and he stood tall with a swimmer’s build. His square glasses couldn’t hide the look of interest in his eyes. He welcomed me and asked if there was anything in particular I was looking for.

I answered, “I’m sorry but I definitely am unable to buy anything. I was just walking by and couldn’t resist getting a closer look at the designer’s collection. I’ve never seen jewelry like this.”

Turns out the designer is his younger sister. Turns out the store wasn’t busy at all that day (I was the only person in there other than the designer herself and another jewelry maker upstairs and the security guard). Turns out Jarod was attracted to me and didn’t mind taking the time to explain some of the pieces and then ask me on a date.

Our first date was dinner and dessert at Balthazar He told me to meet there on a Friday at 7p.m. I immediately felt intimidated. I double, triple checked my bank account to make sure I had enough money to cover the entire bill just in case. I always, always make sure I can cover a dinner bill for the first date before I go, because you never ever know when you’ll need to. If Jarod turned out to be a nut case and I was left with a huge bill, it was going to be a close call. I’d be left eating ramen noodles for a week after…

Our date was flawless and the chemistry was spot on. When the bill came I offered, as usual to split or at least leave the tip. With a wave of his hand and a smile, he declined my offer. I was secretly relieved. We had ordered appetizers, entrees, dessert, and drinks, all at his urging. Easily our bill was well over $150. Several great dates later, he still pays for everything on a date. Cabs. Meals. Entertainment. Everything.

Some women would love this and abuse this and manipulate this situation.
Some are used to this and just expect it and take it for granted.
Some, like myself, are totally blown away by this and don’t know how exactly to handle this.

5 dates in, it is already a routine when the bill coms that he takes it immediately, I offer to split or pay tip, he refuses, I thank him, he smiles and says “You’re welcome.” He even shoves money into my hand so I can take cabs home from our dates instead of having to get onto a subway late at night.
It’s a bit unnerving because there is a jaded part of me that wonders what he’s expecting to get from trying to buy my love.

But that’s my stupid inner idiot girl freaking out.

He’s not trying to buy my love. We’re just dating. He’s just a gentleman who wants to treat his dating interest with respect, kindness, and sincerity. He opens doors for me, always. He pulls my chair out at restaurants. He let’s me order first. He let’s me have the first and last bite of shared desserts. He feels partially responsible for my safety late at night when he’s kept me out past 11 p.m. hence he wants to make sure I get home safely in a cab instead of taking the wild and crazy subway all the way uptown.

He also makes about 4x as much as I do if not more- (I’m only guessing from his apartment, his Audi, his watch, his sunglasses, the house he rents in the Hamptons…). We’ve never ever talked about finances and I don’t plan to any time soon unless it is necessary. He has no idea how lean my budget is, unless he is familiar with how much architects at my level get paid in the city or what the going rate of my apartment is, so I don’t think it is out of pity or because he feels the NEED to pay for everything. He just wants to.

I’m being swept off my feet by his humor, intelligence, generous soul, determination and dedication (he’s a very good tri-athlete who has found balance between endless training and having a demanding career). He’s very sweet and actually likes romantic comedies. Yes. For real. We talk every other day and he’s totally interested in how my day went, down to the details.

I can imagine things becoming serious with Jarod. I like him that much. However, I don’t really know how to let on that if the time were to come for me to start paying for entire dates that are at his standard of extravagance, I really wouldn’t be able to afford to see him anymore. I’m a bit worried that he might be put off if he ever found out just how I love/need to use coupons. I’m afraid that since his jewelry store doesn’t even hire people with questionable credit histories, he would feel even more strongly about loving a woman with a questionable credit history.

We have gone on a few cheap dates - walks in the park, grabbing ice cream cones, ordering in and watching TV, a picnic on the beach…but even these he wouldn’t let me pay. He’s spoiling me and I’ve never been spoiled before, ever. I like it and feel guilty about liking it.

*sigh* I’m not complaining at all. I am extremely happy to have met him and I am having a lot of fun with him. I guess if Lady and the Tramp worked out, this can too.