My parents joke that it’s going to be impossible for me to find you because I have such a long list of qualities and expectations for you to fulfill. It starts like this: you should be taller than me, have at least a college education and some kind of ambition, not be politically or religiously dogmatic, have a healthy sense of humor, been in relationships before, and so on. What my parents don’t know though these are all guidelines not rules. The qualities matter for compatibility and attraction reasons, but that’s not all there is to love. More »

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I have always been in love with the concept of love. I suspect it’s a symptom of habitual loneliness and yearning for fulfillment that comes from being an idealistic only-child — the desire for your other half who can make walking the path of life much less of a solitary affair, even if it’s only for a little bit.

This probably also explains why I ended up majoring in English in college - I always voted for literature in the “Who’s the greater genius: Shakespeare or Einstein?” debate. It seemed to me that someone who made it his business to understand and convey the workings of the heart had a much more daunting task before him than any other unsolved mystery mankind has ever known. More »

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Love, as I’ve seen, comes in many different shapes and sizes. Perhaps not knowing Mrs. Right’s appearance is why she has eluded me so. Yet I know she’s out there by the effects she has on me. She is the melody I whistle when I’m happy; the last image in my head as I fade to sleep; the first thought as I slowly wake each day. More »

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I hear this quote quite often, “It’s better to love and lost then to never love at all.” That phrase and I do not see eye to eye. While the highs of love bring great elation, the breakups bring indescribable pain far greater than any mortal wound. I am desperately afraid of being heartbroken, but I fear even more the thought of growing old alone. My life would be empty without having a family. I yearn to be a father, though I often wonder if I can be a good one. I was raised by an amazingly loving and supportive family. Because of that, I’m not afraid of commitment. I seek it out. More »

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How can I describe you when I only need you to pull me out of the bottomless pit of my self-absorption? If I could imagine you, I wouldn’t need you.

But I want someone who takes life seriously—who reads Jane Austen for the story and not the cover picture of Mr. Darcy with his cravat undone, and who isn’t in the foreground of all her Facebook pictures. I’m sorry, but the picture should be “the Taj Mahal” and not “I went to India.” And most of all, who doesn’t think I’m a snob for saying all that; because a snob is another sort of person who likes things for some other reason (the distinction they give him) than what they actually are. More »

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I didn’t go on my first date until late in high school. Until then, I had been your fairly standard loser, more interested in books than girls; yet I harbored the suspicion that somewhere within me lurked a great romantic. The date (or so I thought) was a success; it was she, and not I, who initiated my first kiss. Later that week, she broke up with me on the grounds that having a boyfriend would interfere with her violin lessons—and in spite of the words of cynical friends, I’ve always believed this was the truth. What motive is too silly to ascribe to the half-formed personalities of high schoolers? More »

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So, who is Mr. Right? Well, that definition has changed and evolved over the years I’ve been single in New York. With each new person I meet there is always the possibility of finding something I adore or loathe about a person. So for now, the following description of Mr. Right should suffice…until I am swept off my feet. More »

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“To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I.’ ” -Ayn Rand

It seems like a fairly simple rule to live by and after many failed attempts to love and be loved, I understand fully, the importance of the statement.

In 2004, I picked up and moved from a small college town in the midwest and away from my boyfriend of three years to reach for my dreams of becoming a big city architect. The relationship was, and still is, the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It lasted another year after I moved away. In the end, it did not work out because I chose New York City over moving back to be with him in the midwest. Yes, my heart still aches over his absence, but he is now married and there is nothing I can do but keep on moving on. More »

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Since I’ve never been in love before, I could only paint the most juvenile picture of who I envision Mr. Right to be. So far, I envision Mr. Right to be a person who is nice, can take care of himself, cherishes family, is funny and is someone that is complete. Someone who will never say, “You complete me.” I believe I’m worthy of the whole thing, and never halves or parts of people that ought to be completed. Mr. Right is someone who’s okay with not hearing from me everyday and doesn’t require knowing where I am at all times. I’d prefer Mr. Right to believe in a god, but if not, don’t knock on my God.

Physically, I don’t ask for much. Mr. Right is at least my height or taller and of a proportionate weight. He is also well-groomed with a distinct individual style.

Despite all this, I’m well ware that Mr. Right might not be what I’ve described and I’m perfectly fine with that. If I’m happy, that’s all that matters. More »

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In my 20+ odd years of existence, I can say with confidence that I’ve never been in love. There isn’t a single song, poem, story or film about being in love that I can identify with. When people speak of love, it’s a foreign language to me that I’ve only just been casually studying out of curiosity. I feel like I understand some phrases, a word here or there — but not enough to qualify as fluent. From what I’ve observed in my life thus far, no one’s ever fluent in love.

Regardless, love is a place I’d like to go to someday, and it’d be really helpful if I was at least close to fluent. I’ve always been told it’s better traveling that way. By this point in this paragraph, its natural to wonder if I’ve got any baggage on me. The answer is no. I’ve got no baggage. The best way I can describe my situation of never having been in love is that I’ve just never had opportunities. Whenever I’ve thought I’ve had opportunities, they’ve always been false. More »

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