I hear this quote quite often, “It’s better to love and lost then to never love at all.” That phrase and I do not see eye to eye. While the highs of love bring great elation, the breakups bring indescribable pain far greater than any mortal wound. I am desperately afraid of being heartbroken, but I fear even more the thought of growing old alone. My life would be empty without having a family. I yearn to be a father, though I often wonder if I can be a good one. I was raised by an amazingly loving and supportive family. Because of that, I’m not afraid of commitment. I seek it out. More »

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I didn’t go on my first date until late in high school. Until then, I had been your fairly standard loser, more interested in books than girls; yet I harbored the suspicion that somewhere within me lurked a great romantic. The date (or so I thought) was a success; it was she, and not I, who initiated my first kiss. Later that week, she broke up with me on the grounds that having a boyfriend would interfere with her violin lessons—and in spite of the words of cynical friends, I’ve always believed this was the truth. What motive is too silly to ascribe to the half-formed personalities of high schoolers? More »

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“To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I.’ ” -Ayn Rand

It seems like a fairly simple rule to live by and after many failed attempts to love and be loved, I understand fully, the importance of the statement.

In 2004, I picked up and moved from a small college town in the midwest and away from my boyfriend of three years to reach for my dreams of becoming a big city architect. The relationship was, and still is, the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. It lasted another year after I moved away. In the end, it did not work out because I chose New York City over moving back to be with him in the midwest. Yes, my heart still aches over his absence, but he is now married and there is nothing I can do but keep on moving on. More »

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In my 20+ odd years of existence, I can say with confidence that I’ve never been in love. There isn’t a single song, poem, story or film about being in love that I can identify with. When people speak of love, it’s a foreign language to me that I’ve only just been casually studying out of curiosity. I feel like I understand some phrases, a word here or there — but not enough to qualify as fluent. From what I’ve observed in my life thus far, no one’s ever fluent in love.

Regardless, love is a place I’d like to go to someday, and it’d be really helpful if I was at least close to fluent. I’ve always been told it’s better traveling that way. By this point in this paragraph, its natural to wonder if I’ve got any baggage on me. The answer is no. I’ve got no baggage. The best way I can describe my situation of never having been in love is that I’ve just never had opportunities. Whenever I’ve thought I’ve had opportunities, they’ve always been false. More »

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